


Come What May - After All, It is Not About Just Surving

by Mapiaha



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, Character Development, Clexa Love Week, Clexa Week 2018, Commander Lexa, Drama, Endgame, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Feelings, Grounder Clarke Griffin, Inner Dialogue, Lexa Lives, Love, POV Alternating, Protective Lexa, Romance, Self-Discovery, Sex, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-05 02:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14033784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mapiaha/pseuds/Mapiaha
Summary: Clexa fic. This is what I hoped that happened if Lexa hadn't died. Please let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions! Thanks for taking the time to read!





	1. Arkadia

1.

 

As expected, the blockade was set to begin at dawn, and almost no light was shining through Lexa’s window anymore. Along with the stillness of the moment, the peacefulness and quietness on the last floor of The Tower contrasted with the agitation and passion in the Commander’s chamber. 

Along with the experience she gained through her many years leading the  _ Trikru _ , Lexa learned much about patience, especially in the hardships faced in the battlefield. The Commander had an incredible ability of managing her emotions and behavior, a great control over herself indeed, but the woman whose body was on top of hers could make her come undone in the blink of an eye - both figuratively and, especially, literally. 

When Clarke touched her,  _ Heda _ was no more. The great warrior, Commander of the  _ Trikru _ , leader of the  _ Kongeda...  _ It all became a distant memory in Lexa’s mind; like a dream you know you just had, but cannot remember it.

For her, Clarke’s touch was like pouring hydrazine into fire: it caused Lexa’s brain to fire explosions of feelings she could barely understand herself. It was like sensing a breeze from the trees free of radiation for the first time: both liberating and calming. When Clarke’s hands caressed the curves of her naked body, there was nothing else in the world Lexa coveted more. She felt like she could stay there for eternity, but also eagerly hoped for those hands to move to their final destination. 

Clarke had been there, in her bed, for almost two hours. It felt like an eternity, but also like just a few seconds, after all, how little and insignificant can mere 120 minutes feel when compared to the lifetime she wished to stay in Clarke’s embrace. The minutes felt like hours; the hours felt like seconds; and each second was an eternity, for every touch and every kiss was imprinted into their hearts and mind forever. 

Clarke placed a final kiss on Lexa’s collarbone before pulling back. She didn’t need to say a word, for her eyes said it all. For the well-being of the sky people _ , _ the  _ Kongeda  _ and even Lexa, she knew she had to flee. Yet, she would never make it past the blockade before dawn. 

“Lexa,” she said being kissed by the last rays of Sun shining through the window, “How am I making it out of Polis… Alive?” 

“Do you still wish to leave, Clarke?” Lexa’s posture changed; the Commander was back into her spirit a little bit. But her eyes were still teary, they begged Clarke for one answer.  _ Stay. _

“You know what I wish. But we need to think with our heads, not our  _ hearts _ right now. For the safety of all our people.” She tucked Lexa’s brown locks behind her ear and caressed her cheek. 

“So you are saying,” she let a smirk out, “that I am in your heart, Clarke  _ kom Skikru?” _

“And you will always be.” Clarke smiled back and placed a gentle kiss on Lexa’s begging lips. “Me being on the other side of the line won’t change a thing about this. Us. Just give us a little time and we will solve the situation with Pike in Arkadia.”

Lexa’s eyes deviated from Clarke’s for a brief second as she looked down, pensative. The blonde’s hand brought their sight back together, and another kiss calmed the restlessness of Lexa’s heart. In that moment, they both felt something strange, unique; they knew that, come what may, they would still be ok. 

 

*****

 

Octavia and Indra had been long gone with two of the  _ Trikru’s _ fastest horses, and Lexa knew Clarke would not be able to reach them in time. She got up from her bed looking decided;  _ Heda _ was back again. As she began dressing up, Clarke just stood there in her bed, gazing at the beautiful woman in front of her. 

“What are you going to do?” she asked confused.

“ _ We _ are going to go now. Or do you want people to think the blockade is just a scene?”

_ We? Did she really just say we? _

“What do you mean, Lexa?” 

“I was already thinking of sending Indra with you and Octavia. Even beat, she is still my most trustworthy warrior. But she’s gone. They both are. There is no one else I would trust your life with and there is no safer way for you to ride back to Arkadia, than by my side.”

By this time, Clarke was already up and dressing up as well. She said nothing, just nodded. 

“Here, take these.” She handed Clarke a pair of pants, a shirt and a jacket. “It will feel more comfortable during our journey.”

Before they left the room, when Lexa had her hands on the door, Clarke pulled her back and kissed her. She had a tight grip on Lexa’s hand before letting go to open the door. 

“Let’s go, Commander.”

 

*****

 

Lexa wanted to travel light and fast. She gathered a small group of warriors, and, by the time she and Clarke reached the stables, the horses were already saddled. Provisions were also taken care of. Thus, in the brisk of the night, the group began their journey towards Arkadia. They would travel for a few hours and stop at one of the  _ Trikru _ villages to rest; by Lexa’s calculations, they would be in Arkadia by nightfall the following day. 

Lexa’s decision to leave Polis was also a bit strategic. Due to the recent clash with the Ice Nation, turmoil had risen in the capital, and she wanted to leave and let the wind take the dust away. Not all of her ambassadors and counselors agreed with her decision to protect Clarke - especially Titus - but what could they do? Who was to defy the Commander who had just defeated one of the greatest warriors in the  _ Kongeda. _

As the silence of the night began to creep into their thoughts, for some reason, Costia came to Clarke’s mind. Lexa had talked about her only once, at Finn’s burning ceremony. But that one time was enough for Clarke to sense the pain she felt not because she had lost someone of great importance to her, but because that made her shut herself down for love.  _ Will we have the same fate? Lexa says love is weakness, but is it really? Then how do I feel so empowered by being close to her? Why does her love make me feel greater, better?  _ Lost in her own thoughts, Clarke couldn’t find an answer to those questions. Her grimace gave her away and it didn’t take much for Lexa to notice it. 

“What is wrong?” she said barely turning her head towards Clarke. 

“Nothing, I’m just thinking.”

“Are you regretting choosing the other side already? It is not too late for us to turn back to Polis…” Lexa’s voice was as soft as the bed sheets they had just made love in. But, although she managed to hide most of her insecurity behind the jokingly air of her question, her eyes could not lie. A part of her was afraid Clarke’s passion was just a spark from the friction of the moment; she was fearful that it was all augmented by the fact they would probably not see each other again. 

“Lexa. Stop. Why are you making this face?” Clarke’s voice came out a little more aggressive than she intended it to. 

“What face? This is my face.” She stared back at Clarke, with her piercing unblinking  _ Heda _ eyes. 

“Stop. You had the same look on your face when we talked after the missile attack to Tondc. What are you afraid of? What is bothering you?”

Clarke’s words pierced right through Lexa’s heart and took her right back in time.  _ How does she know me like this?  _ That was the day everything changed for her. It was the day she showed Clarke the difficult decisions she had to face during war times. She showed Clarke that there would always be sacrifice in war. But above all, she saw in herself, in a deep, hidden and buried part of her unconscious self, that she had begun to care about Clarke more than she wanted to. More than it was safe to. That day, although she tried to deny it to herself, changed her. She saw a little bit of Clarke settling into her. She accused her of caring too much and basing her decisions on her feelings and her trust in Octavia, but she  _ knew _ she was the one about to do it herself. She was about to make a decision solely based on  _ how  _ she felt about Clarke. For some reason, she trusted her. And that gut feeling that she could trust Clarke was the spark that ignited the fire inside Lexa’s heart once again. 

“ _ Heda,  _ we have arrived.” 

The guard’s voice brought her back to reality. The people from the village were already waiting for Lexa. A tent had been made for her, and one for her guest as well. 

Without saying a single word to each other, Clarke and Lexa walked side by side to their tents. They stopped in front of Clarke’s tent. 

“The warriors who travelled with us will be sleeping near the gates; the village warriors will be guarding the village over night so we can rest. You’ll be safe.” Lexa’s voice was reassuring and calm, but it caused more of a turmoil inside Clarke than it made her relax.  _ What is wrong with her? Why is she sounding so formal?  _

“Thank you,” Clarke was confused, she did not know what to call Lexa, “ _ Heda. _ Good night. _ ” _ The hesitation in her voice was palpable. The two shared a penetrating gaze before Clarke made her way into her tent.

The tent was surprisingly spacious and was certainly bigger than the rooms people had back in Arkadia. The large bed on the center was covered by some type of animal fur, and, although it wasn’t anywhere near as comfortable as Lexa’s bed back at The Tower, it was much more comfortable than the ground. 

  
  


*****

 

The sharp noise of Lexa’s knife swinging swiftly through the air made Clarke’s heart stop for a second. Lexa was sitting on the bed, looking almost as if she were somewhere between sleeping and meditating, and, although Clarke approached her with the best of the intentions, she could not help but get startled. 

“Clarke!” her voice was surprised and nervous. “What are you doing here? I thought you were asleep.” She moved the knife from Clarke’s neck and put it at her bedside table. 

“I couldn’t sleep. We need to talk, but now is clearly not the time. I’ll let you get back to whatever it is that you were doing.” As she began to get up, she felt Lexa’s hand tightening against hers. 

“No, stay. Please.” Her eyes were glistening. “What is it that is keeping you from sleeping? Are you worried about the blockade? Don’t be, I told you’d be safe...” Clarke’s voice interrupted her.

“No. It is you. What was that at the forest? You were worried. I could see it in your eyes, but you zoned out and didn’t talk.”

“I was just thinking, Clarke.” She turned her body a little, almost turning her back at Clarke.

“What is wrong?” Clarke brought her hands to Lexa’s shoulders and the touch of their skins calmed Lexa’s heart a bit. 

“This, Clarke. You and me. It is so right that it is wrong.” Clarke’s hands kept caressing her shoulders, but she kept quiet, waiting for Lexa to continue. 

“This afternoon, when you came into my room. All I wanted to do was to ask you to run away with me. Run from all responsibilities. From everything.” Lexa’s head was down; Clarke’s long fingers pressed down the strong muscles in her back in the most relaxing way possible. 

“So why didn’t you?” Clarke already knew the answer, but she knew Lexa needed to say it herself. 

“Because we can’t. We have our duties and to be Commander is to be alone.” Those words punctured straight through Clarke’s heart. 

“Says who? Who created this stupid rule?”

“Clarke, it has always been our way, you know that.”

“So you don’t love me enough to risk losing your people? Is that it?” Clarke’s voice began to fail. Her grip tightened as she tried to hold back her tears. Lexa turned around and got on her knees so they would see eye to eye. 

“Don’t you see? It is the complete opposite. My love for you is so big that I am willing to give up on everything.” She held Clarke’s face, cupping her cheeks and gently caressing them all the way to her ears. “That day that the  _ Maunon  _ hit Tondc, I realized how much I cared about you. And today, when you brought up the conversation we had at the ceremony, by remembering my words, it hurt me, somehow. Do you remember what I told you that day?”

“Yes,” Clark nodded, “you said that we need to stop caring in order to be strong. If we care, then we put the ones we love in danger, for  _ love is weakness. _ With the right information, an enemy could hit you harder with a single arrow in the right place than with the power of 100 missiles anywhere else.” Clarke’s shoulders began to frown. 

“Exactly, Clarke. By loving you I am putting everyone in danger, but at the end of the day, the one person I cannot accept that will get hurt by this is you, Clarke. At the woods, I thought you were having second thoughts about what happened back at The Tower, and that is why I was off.”  _ Loving me? Did she just say that she loved me? _

“Second thoughts? About what? Us?” Clarke’s tone was questioning. Lexa nodded. “Are you nuts?” her lips urgently looked for Lexa’s. “Unless you turn into a crazy ass leader, I am not going anywhere. What happened in that room was not just a moment of feeble fragility, Lexa. It was real. This,” she brought Lexa’s hands to her chest, “is real.”

Lexa’s hand just followed the contour of the shirt Clarke was wearing and began to expose her shoulder as they shared a sultry and passionate kiss. 

As Lexa’s hands began to follow Clarke’s curves down to the dimples on her lower back, the blonde let a shy moan escape her guts. There was nothing sexier than hearing Clarke and knowing that she was the reason for her pleasure, her happiness. Her lips go to encounter Clarke’s collarbone and begin an excruciating path down her chest. Moans. Clarke’s grip onto her butt got tighter as her fingers rested inside her back pockets. 

“Lexa…” Her voice was urgent; pleading for her touch. 

“I will kiss every inch of your body,” she said as her hands unzipped Clarke’s pants. 

With Goosebumps all over, Clarke tried to concentrate in her one task: undress Lexa. 

 

*****

 

They now laid nude, except for the silky gray sheet entangled with their bodies. They were one. One person. One heart. Lexa’s perfume was entrancing; Clarke could get lost on it forever. Their hands intertwined. Their legs tangled. Their breaths synchronized but out of sync. Their kisses were so passionate and shy at the same time. As if their lips would never meet again and as if they were just meeting each other. An unbearably fragile sensation of powerless and strength at the same time. They exchanged no words. They weren’t necessary. Just feelings. As Clarke’s tongue began to mark a trail down to Lexa’s neck, then nipples, then center, the Commander could not think straight. Everything she was, and everything she knew was irrelevant at that moment. All she knew was desire. A deep sigh escapes Lexa; her grip tightens on Clarke’s hand resting on her breast and on the bed sheets. There, in the middle of the woods, they are just two girls, giving up and giving in. 


	2. Goodbyes

  1. Goodbyes



 

_ “Love is weakness, Lexa. It has always been,” a strong male voice echoed. _

_ “But how are we supposed to make a choice regarding something we have no control of?” Lexa’s voice was soft, but demanding. She needed to understand. _

_ “Lexa,” another voice resonated, a serene and assuring voice, “you have achieved what no commander ever could; you have brought twelve clans…” the voice was interrupted by Lexa. _

_ “Thirteen. There are thirteen clans.” She was intense. Lexa wanted to make sure she sounded sharp.  _

_ “Yes… Thirteen clans,” the voice continued, “you have brought thirteen clans, thirteen cultures, thirteen ways of life together. You have brought the closest thing to peace that our people has ever experienced. You must not forget how you achieved that, Lexa. You showed great promise from a very young age and lived up to all expectations - and even more - after you became Commander. Following our traditions is what allowed you to do so. Following our traditions is what kept us alive through all this time. Following our traditions is what will keep you alive and the Kongeda intact.” _

_ “Becca, Commander, you were here when life was different. You were here when there was more to life. You were here when all clans lived on the ground and love made life worthwhile. What has changed? Why does to be a Commander mean to be alone? I cannot believe that we have lived over thousands of years just... surviving.” _

_ “Life was different back then.” Becca’s voice was stern but tender. She had sympathy for Lexa, for she too was once in love. “Humankind suffered an extreme shock. As a species, to experience 6.5 billion of your kind to be decimatedd, and almost all other life forms as a whiplash… It triggers biological reactions, Lexa. Survival became the only way of life for us.” _

_ “But that was almost a Century ago! Why can’t we change?” _

_ “People fear change. We have always feared change and in a world ruled by survival instincts and not reason; it’d be hard to simply change. There’s a part of our brains that rules all other parts. It is the R-Brain - our most primitive part. It is our unconscious fight for survival by all means. To survive is all our people know, Lexa.” An image of a young girl burning from radiation took life in Lexa’s head. It was Becca’s memory of how she felt when she arrived from Polaris. Her blue eyes stained red. Her soft skin burning up. Her screams… Lexa could feel Becca’s pain. “This is why our people fear hope for life, Lexa. Hope gives you something to lose. The more hope, the greater the loss. The greater the pain.” _

 

Clake laid on her stomach, resting her face over her hands. It was one of the first nights she had slept well. Her breath was deep and heavy, and she was drooling a little bit on her hands. Lexa woke up scared, and sat up right away. Her breath was irregular and she could feel her jugular pulsating, but when she looked to her right, everything slowed down. The blonde locks she was gazing at were resting over the pillow perfectly, with only a few rebel locks running over Clarke’s face. Her naked shoulder immediately called Lexa’s attention; all she wanted to do was to kiss them. She leaned to her side and got her lips closer to Clarke’s neck. Her perfume was like a drug. It was entrancing and provocative. It made Lexa’s eyes burn with desire. She placed a soft kiss on Clarke’s right shoulder and pulled back, waiting for a reaction. Nothing. Then she placed another kiss, now closer to the back of her neck. Still nothing. Her fingers playfully followed Clarke’s spine as she placed a third kiss near her ear lobe. Clarke let a shy gasp escape.  _ Finally, Clarke! _ Without moving away, Lexa kissed her neck once again. This time the kiss was longer, more demanding. The kiss turned into a little bite on Clarke’s ear.

“Ouch, good morning to you, too!” 

“You didn’t seem to mind this last night, Ambassador.” Lexa’s tone was playful, free of worries. “But your wish is an order.” Lexa pulled back. 

“I didn’t tell you to stop, Commander. You may proceed.” She let out a giggle. 

 

*****

 

As the morning rays began to shine through Lexa’s tent, they knew it was time to wake up. This time to reality. Clarke was the first to get up and get dressed under the scrutiny of the Commander. As usual, Lexa’s eyes were not blinking. She stared at Clarke like a lion waiting for its prey. She let the shadow of a smirk slip from her mouth. She felt warm, as if something bigger - better - touched her heart and awakened her soul.  _ How can one person have such an effect over me? _

 

“I’ll see you in a little bit,  _ Heda.” _ Clarke leaned to Lexa, locked her fingers to Lexa’s hair, and kissed her. It was a quick, soft, loving kiss. Something that felt more like a habit than a last kiss… If there was someone in Lexa’s tent, they would think it was a kiss they were used to, a habit - something they would do for the rest of their lives. And so, unaware of the future, Clarke stepped out of Lexa’s tent. 

 

*****

 

The convoy was greeted by Pike, Bellamy and an army that could take Lexa’s small convoy before they could even think of taking cover. 

 

“One step closer and we will open fire.” Pike’s voice was vehement; he was not bluffing. 

“Pike,” Clarke got down from her horse, and began walking towards the gates, “stop this! The convoy just brought me so I could return safely to Arkadia. There is no need or violence.”

“Tell that to the thousands surrounding us right now. How naive do you think I am, Clarke? Do you really believe I am going to let you into our gates so you and Kane can start a war inside Arkadia?”

“The blockade is in effect. You have no choice. Who are you to condemn me to death?”

“I am the elected Chancellor.” Bellamy was uneasy with the whole situation. He moved closer to Pike. 

“Sir, let Clarke back in. She is worth more alive than dead…”

 

Before Bellamy could finish, they saw one of the rovers rushing back from the forest. The rover did not stop. The gates opened in synchrony so that the rover could enter Arkadia without stopping outside. Pike and Bellamy rapidly left the tower and joined the three guards at the entrance. They seemed worried, but Clarke could not tell what they were speaking of. 

A few moments later, the gates opened and Bellamy and two guards began walking towards Clarke. 

 

“Bellamy, what’s going on?”

“Clarke, I need you to come inside right now.” As he grabbed Clarke’s forearm, Lexa’s expression changed. She was ready to have a knife thrown at Bellamy at any second. 

“Not before you tell me what is going on!” 

“Clarke, I said now. Don’t make me…” His hand rested on his electric baton. 

“What? You’re going to shock me now?”

“If I have to, yes.”

“No! I’m not going anywhere before you tell me what is happening!”

“It seems that they are closing in the blockade. Pike thinks we are going to get attacked.” Bellamy almost whispered.

Clarke immediately looked at Lexa. In a single movement, the Commander jumped off her horse and began walking towards Clarke and Bellamy. 

“What is happening, Clarke?” Bellamy’s blood began to boil as he heard Lexa’s voice.

“You use Clarke as a distraction to move your army closer and attack us, and still have the guts to pretend you don’t know what is happening?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I ordered my men to stay five miles from Arkadia. No one is moving.”

 

Just then, grounders began to creep out of the forest. But there was something off. They all looked dead pale… It was Azgeda’s white combat paint. 

 

“I’m sorry Clarke - “ were Bellamy’s last words before he shocked Clarke and the guards raised their guns to Lexa and her guards.  

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments! I love to see what you think!


End file.
